Losing It

I am 4 months and 4 days postpartum.

Since having Emily, I have lost my baby weight, making it back to my pre-pregnancy weight… and then I gained it all back.

I gained back 12 pounds in 4 months.

That is NOT a good feeling. I am not carrying it in my arms, or legs, or butt… but in my GUT. My belly is a foreign country compared to the rest of my body.

Yes, I grew a human. Yes, my body went through severe trauma with having a c-section. Yes, my body will never look the same as it did prior to delivering Emily. And I don’t want it to… but I am not happy with the body I have now.

I am proud of what my body went through to bring our baby girl into this world, but that doesn’t mean I am okay with the number on the scale. It doesn’t mean I am okay with my diastasis recti or my mommy fupa. I don’t hate my body- but I want to make it something that I can look into the mirror and say, “This body delivered a baby. This body is strong. I can play with my daughter. I won’t get tired running around at the park or going sledding. This is the body that I am proud to show off.”

It has been well over a year since I have done any strenuous physical activity. This month. February. I began my workout with Blogilates.

I have NEVER been one to sway from workout classes/trainers. I cannot go to the gym and create a workout on my own. I need motivation. I need someone pushing me to do the last squat or pushup. I mean, I was a dancer for 18 years, competitive for 12 of those. I know a thing or two about structure.

Cassey Ho is INCREDIBLE! I had never done a pilates class before, and LET. ME. TELL. YOU. 4 months postpartum or not, she KICKED MY ASS!

I started last week with a quick tone challenge from her as I awaited her February workout calendar to drop. I swear I thought all of my limbs were going to fall off.

At one point during her No Weights Arm Sculpting challenge, I took a wine break… have I reached peak mom? Pilates and wine…? Send help.

I am so excited and proud of myself for deciding to truly get back into shape. Connor and I have changed our eating habits tremendously and now it is time to incorporate physical activity. I want my daughter to be motivated by her mothers motivation. And I truly believe that she will.

Stay tuned each week as I update you on my weight loss journey!

February 2nd, 2021: 163 lbs and change.

Goal weight: 130 lbs.

Let’s go.